tiistaina, tammikuuta 29, 2002

one email and he made my cry. this day have been awful and he melt it all away.

tiistaina, tammikuuta 29, 2002

Today Sinfest is quite hilarious I must say...

tiistaina, tammikuuta 29, 2002

Haha. Quenya Course!

tiistaina, tammikuuta 29, 2002

maanantaina, tammikuuta 28, 2002

I want some one to hold on, right now. I hate this place and I need a hug!

maanantaina, tammikuuta 28, 2002

sunnuntaina, tammikuuta 27, 2002

Gosh, Im death tired. beautiful day. meeting one friend soonish. Busy and very power taking weekend I must say. I have to go back to campus today, and Im going to tell all about this weekend tomorrow...Now Im going to go out to enjoy the sunshine, cause I havent been able to see sun in ages! I woke up 2h ago, and Im still sleepy...gloomy sunday indeed.

sunnuntaina, tammikuuta 27, 2002

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 23, 2002

Suddenly sky went all clear, all water turned in to ice and its cold and windy as hell. Brr! Warm me up!

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 23, 2002

After I finished Ilkka Remes Uhrilento, I looked around myself. What a shithole my room was. Jenna lived there before me, and she never cleans, she just dont care, and all her stuff were around the place, and you couldnt walk (well there is not much space to move anyway...) in the room without your shoes...So! I took vacuum cleaner and then after it I wash the floors and clean the dust/sand - shit away! Tadah! Then I went to library and then I cooked noodles, drank cup of coffee and started to read "Populärmusik Från Vittula" and all I can say after reading about 30 pages of it, that its hilarious book! I can hardly wait to get back and read it all! Full of black humor, I laughed like madman in first few lines! It has something I adore.
Ooh well, I have to pack my things, clean the dishes and stuff like that tonight before starting to read that book again. Camilla also called me, she's coming to campus tonight in one hour...I have to go and meet her at Kyrölä or something, cause she dont want to walk here alone...Nice to see her, of course. But I know that it will take a lot of precious time to listen her depressed babling. What's wrong with me!? ;) I havent got time to read anything really in ages, and now I went to library, took three books, all had over 450page in them, and In three days, I've read two and now Im almost half way of last one. Wow! ...
I wish I dont have to move together with Camilla yet. Jenna should come to pick her stuff up tomorrow or in friday (when Im not here...hum). Could I live alone for one week more? pleeese? - no? Damn!! After getting myself read, its been quite inspirating for me, I mean I want to write again, I want to do new songs, school works...I have this paper full of things I've suppose to start to do before Xmas, list is long, and its even getting longer all the time (Im talking about school realated stuff now) ... *Sigh* I wont say more, it gets me a bit stressed...

Tomorrow, Turku - DownTown! Woo here I come!

What a headache. I wish I could get some sleep tonight. Thing which makes me glad is :
I will sleep in my _own_ dear, dear bed tomorrow. Awww...Aaah.

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 23, 2002

You will marry LEGOLAS from Lord of the Rings, live in an ancient elven palace in the middle of the forest, and spend your days walking on top of snow and rowing ivory boats and just being beautiful

Goddamn! How lucky of me! I've always dreamed about Legolas, all day, all night! Yes yes...no, well in movie Legolas was _almost_ like I picturized him while reading the book...mm...But I dont care about him! I care about growing up and then I move to Rivendell! Yeah! How about that!

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 23, 2002

Hehee. Friend posted me link to site, which is full of very funny stuff. check it out.

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 23, 2002

Wow. Lahettamo.org - what a great site!

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 23, 2002

Listening Groove Convention (like always when I sit here in computer room...nothing better to do) and lazying around. Hah! I feel good!! This week have been full of endless whining, but now I try to keep my mood up. Even tho, I feel a bit weak and Im extremely tired after few nights without proper sleep. Sigh. Oh well last night went. I sat in computer class til 10pm and went to my room. Cooked some noodles with tunafish and started to read Ilkka Remes "Uhrilento" til midnight, when I went outside to wait for phonecall. As you might already know, my phone never works here inside the buildings, if there is bad weather, and I waited and waited...And walked around in dark campus, got myself totally wet (how can it rains water in the middle of the winter!! Gosh, I hate it)...and then finally phoneconversation was over (cause my phone ran out of battery) and I decided to go back inside and sleep a bit. Well - I took that bloody book under my nose again and went sleep after 3am. I fall asleep before 4am and woke up at 7am. I felt terrible. I knew that I have nooo change to skip anything because I had english test. I quickly drank two cups of strong coffee and went to shower. Then I ran to take the test. Bah! I noticed that I was late from class, but still the only one who was there. After 5mins of waiting teacher came and I wrote essay (which they did last week - when I was at Turku and ill) and did that damn test. And I got A!!! WOAH!! AHAHAH! *madlaughing* wOoooo! *dancing* WooO! From essay I got 9! I wrote it in 5mins! aHHAhaa! greeeat! Im soo happy. It saved my day.
Other came later, train to Järvenpää was late, cause someone jumped under it (and as you might already guess - he/she died.) Then me and Tamara, one of my classmates, went to eat. I decided to eat well today, so what, it took money, but Im way too lazy to cook anything today. Cause we had no real lessons after it (cause I didnt felt like going to Helsinki at Messukeskus) we chat about occultism, religion and things like that, ate well and drank coffee after it. No hurry, nothing. it was fantastic. Then I came here. Tadah - that's the day so far. Tomorrow to Turku. Awww I can hardly wait.

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 23, 2002

Aaah! I feel good *tadatadatadata*...
What a day is this. I heard that in Kajaani they have -32 degrees cold! And here...its raining, roads are full of ice and water, and its warm. This country amaze me from time to time.

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 23, 2002

tiistaina, tammikuuta 22, 2002

I promised to write more in to my finnish journal. I've failed. But I promise to do something about it...mm...tomorrow maybe? ;)

tiistaina, tammikuuta 22, 2002

What did I do? I skipped some classes and went to my place to drink some coffee and read. I was death tired after math test. Then next thing which I really remember was when I woke up before 6pm. After it I've been sitting here at computer class, feeling pity cause I worry about getting sleep at night...
Oh well...another bloody day is almost over, and Im glad. I count hours! I usually dont do that. Hah. Tomorrow I should go to Helsinki, but Im still so weak after influenza that I think I'll skip it. I can think about it _if_ I sleep better tonight.

Nothing really happends here. Last night girls had a little party. They kept horrible noise all night long, in monday! Usually this place is full of madness at wednesday, but after Xmas, its been partyparty all night long thru week. Kids! I was very pissed off last night. I came outside and it was snowing a lot. I was worried about the ice which snow covered under, and I wonder how Im going to walk to library or trainstation without brakeing my neck...One girlie came to me, use to live in my part of formitory, which is now almost empty - She came to me and hugged me. I took cigarette and tried to look like that Im not really intrested about her and her mates thingies. They lauhed, with another hand kept theyre nose shut and sang nylon beat (terrifying), and on otherhand they all hold mug full of Ofelia. The thing is: drink half bottle of wine, with staggering steps (its an act) run around gigling...I wanted to escape. 'Lotta!' I look up at sky, and turned to smile to Saara. 'Long time no see'...'Ok, tell me all. Do you have a man right now, when was the last time you got any? etc. etc.' I was like ummm...err...You say something about something, even just yes, whole goddamn campus will talk about it in 15mins. Gsus! What is the thing with young girls when you shut a group of 'em in one place! Then Saara's face turned a bit sirious and she pointed at me 'Im drinking again - Really, Grrrrreath..." I just smiled. I did all my best not to start to laugh. "I drink a whole bottle of rasberry Ofelia, then Im sooooo *with rolling eyes* drunk, and I puke everywhere!"...and they think its fun. Oo righty then.

Anyway! When some of these fellows who live around here came to chat with me alone, I can see how nice person she/he is...but in one group...ecspeasially girls...are something that makes my brains melt down from my ears...

but nothing new on this dark world right now. I've spend months to search some finnish jazz records from stores, internet stores and etc, but nothing! Gosh, why does always the music I love, hides! ;)
Ok...gotta run...I think I should clean my place tomorrow, Jenna comes to pick her stuff in anyday, and I thought that I change places of furnitures and like that before Camilla moves in. I have to enjoy my few day of freedom. And that mess which Jenna have made to that room, is horrible. She didnt clean it at all when I didnt life there, and after I moved in, last time we did anything there, was when I moved away for that one bloody week! Gaaaah!!!

Its hard to breath inside there. Air is so thick!
Oh well what so ever I need run...

tiistaina, tammikuuta 22, 2002

Gyahaha. Gee when Im tired as I am now, I truly enjoy read stuff like that at my lunch brake (im too lazy to go and cook something, I prefer to wait til school end and then eat...) but...I need coffee. And Im even too lazy to walk to formitory to make a cup of coffee. So sue me. ;)

tiistaina, tammikuuta 22, 2002

Again I didnt slept well. Gosh I have a math test today and Im almost falling asleep right now, my hands are shaking cause I try to get myself awake with coffee...I feel just terrible. I hate this place!! *whine* not really...well today Im soo tired, that I think that tonight I have to get sleep, if I decide to stay awake alll day...ok Im already late from lessons...

tiistaina, tammikuuta 22, 2002

maanantaina, tammikuuta 21, 2002

Yea yea yea, Im alive! Fully breathing! See!
Sigh. At Järvenpää. Head messed up cause of this flu Im still having, school stress and life life life. Aah had nice weekend tho.

Epa is totally in love. Quite extremely amazing to see her like that! Hope she's ok right now, she was a bit down, missing her loverboy soo much when we met last time at friday. Im listening Pessi Levanto Trio and trying to relax a bit. Its hard here, I dont know why - I never sleep well here and so on. Oh well...on the stage in thurstay - Yay!

I wish I could be fully open right now, even to you my dear blog. I feel my head blogged right now, maybe something more when I get everything under control in one row, and I know how to go on. Nothing really serious, I think. Just...How life is like a rolling stone right now. Im quite happy, in a way, as I know that I only have like mm...3months of this school left and then Im freeee...gosh how I feel bad about being bad person to my friends like ekhowl and Eka...and to my sister. Im at weeks here, and in weekends Im a) death tired and sleeping at home, b) on stage, c) in rehersals or something. Im bad bad bad friend. Shame on you, Lotta. I feel terrible about it. How I feel that they must feel that Im totally forgot 'em. And how my phone rings all the time at weekends when everyone knows that Im at Turku (usually if I have money to travel), and pals and friends ask me to go and meet and I say 'ok' or 'I try', and then I do all my best to not get everyone pissed off. Im so sorry! Im sooo sorry! I love you & miss you all madly, but one full day per weekend...Sigh. And why its always me, who have to go and travel around. I only have 20euro in my bank account, its not even enought for me to travel turku and back, or to live 2weeks. Situtation at my life right now is quite chaotic, and I wonder - why Im not even really worried...
Well - cause Im use to this. Im use to control my life when it gets out of hands. Then I have this two side of me which fights which one is on me. Angel and Devil sitting on both side of my head. Im fine - but when these two guys start to fight I open my mind and bable and whine these stupid things, which makes ppl worried, and are nothing but the truth. Im tiiired.

But to other thingies!
Yeah, they have opened official Scandinavian Music Group site! I can hardly wait to check this band out live, cause well...long time UB fan, 4 ex-UB members, great bassplayer and drummer and all...this must be rok! ;) Well theyre single is quite promising, I must say...

maanantaina, tammikuuta 21, 2002

sunnuntaina, tammikuuta 20, 2002

Im fully alive, breathing here, Im just sooo tired, but I'll write more at afternoon...I woke up moment ago GOSH I feel like dead. Haha. Coffee!

sunnuntaina, tammikuuta 20, 2002

perjantaina, tammikuuta 18, 2002

sigh.

perjantaina, tammikuuta 18, 2002

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 16, 2002

Listening all old proge records throught and sitting in darkness. trying to get energy to get rid of this flu. Argh. Still in Turku.

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 16, 2002

maanantaina, tammikuuta 14, 2002

Im ill. And at Turku right now. I should go to Järvenpää today. But I feel terrible. Why o'why, when I need my healt more than ever, I get the flu. *whine*

maanantaina, tammikuuta 14, 2002

lauantaina, tammikuuta 12, 2002

If you read this, ekhowl, I MISS YOU! Please, email me or something. I have all the time of the world to write, and Its been ages since we wrote to each others...

lauantaina, tammikuuta 12, 2002

Sigh. What a night. I met Senni and Petrus, went to Raisio, came back to home and ate something and went to city, I had this thought in my head that possibly I might meet some jolly company...Well first in apteekki, I was complitely alone, which isnt a bad thing at all, clock was over 10.30pm and I was quite amazed how much room there was. Usually Apteeksi is full of ppl...Anyway, I met Nekku, which babled me about 'Tommy summertour' (woo, tour tour) then I called Epa, I was longing to see her, and she came with Tero. And all they did was cuddling. gaaaah. I was too shy to go and say hello to few ppl I met there last week, but It was hell try to talk about things to your friend, and she response after 30mins of frensh kiss with his boyfriend. Or...nono...like how they say 'they are just good friends'. Ha. Well, if anyone feels like need of good therapist, just call me...;P ;)) Mm...now to sleep. I have to wake up at 8am, then to Raisio city library before they close it, I have a lot of gooood cd's and books booked for me...after it to band rehersals to Kaarina and then maybe to Apteekki to meet Nekku and others about that tour...I need to get some facts about everything...

Camilla, my one friend from campus, called me today, crying out loud like a baby. She broke up with his bf. Very sad. I listen her crying over 30mins til I got her calm down...

I do all my best to get tomorrow to be great day. I wish I see one of my pal which I really miss...Maybe maybe not...Im going to be a bass player tomorrow. Can you imagine that? I cannot haha...Eek...mm...Nighty nite everyone.

lauantaina, tammikuuta 12, 2002

torstaina, tammikuuta 10, 2002

I do it myyyyy wayyyy...
On my way to Jäkecity centre. Wowo. Byebye campus see you in sunday. As you can see I made some changes to the out look, and removed links to old entries from main page, just click 'achives' there on the left side and you'll get to the pages with links...read all about my daily life two years back!

torstaina, tammikuuta 10, 2002

Sigh. I just made myself look like total idiot. It's allright, it's allright. I hate this black cloud of feeling tired which is floating above my head. hehe. I think I have to re-do that swedish test someday...After failed attempts to remember words which I know that I know, but I coudnt get out from my head, I left paper to teacher and ran here. Sun is rising, or...well its cloudy so no sun, but I mean, its not that dark outside anymore...mm today I think I leave this place. i dont have anything important tomorrow and I need to see my doctor, cause my back is achy as hell and its hard to get any sleep with it. My bed in formitory is horrible. I pack my things, walk to city and get my new leather winter coat, which is in that magical little store at Järvenpää city center. I wish that shopkeeper remember that she promised to keep it for me til 10th of January (which is today)...We'll see about that.

torstaina, tammikuuta 10, 2002

Morning bloody morning.
Its cloudy, so my mobile isnt really working. I have a phone which works when sky is clear...strange. It has its own life. Soon to swedish lecture...I have a test and did I really read? no. Why? I had a micraine. I tried my best, my head and eyes were totally achy so I decided to go to sleep and wake up at morning 6am to read. My alarm clock was in my hand when I opened my eyes at 7am. Then I packed my things, took painkiller for headache which I still have and now Im here. Coffee coffee - is my only thought right now. Gosh.

torstaina, tammikuuta 10, 2002

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 09, 2002

Im just a lazy bastard. I should be reading at the moment...mm. But as you can see, Im sitting here doing all the things I should not do with the computer, like irc'ing, writing extra long never ending emails...

I was thinking, that I dont really have any important lessons here in friday, so why cannot I go home tomorrow? I really think about it...mm. Cause I need to go and get a book one book from Raisio library soonish, cause then its too late, I need it now...and I want to play cello, do things I need, meet doctor for my back and so on. Imporant things. Important things...

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 09, 2002

Ahahaa. This site always saves my day with laugh. - finnish only.

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 09, 2002

Im in heaven. Im so so so much in heaven. I didnt know that there is Groove Convention's new songs in internet, and theyre new album will be in stores 1.2.2002! I've been so eager to get it sooo long. I remember the day when my father came from Lieksa and took me to saluna. He put asked me to sit down, lighted one cigarette and said 'Listen'. And this groove took my heart in that very second. It's like two years ago now...mm...and last autumn I saw groove convention live at Ateneum...anyway, Im listening they're new live unpublished material from theyre mp3.com site...

I JUST LOVE ACID JAZZ! Argh ahah, like my mother once said 'all she do is acid' (meant role in tommy as acid queen and my music) ... Sigh...what a day I had again.

I wish I could see this band live once...I was going at autumn, but i had to skip it cause of some other event...mm...
Woah this new groove convention stuff is really kicking, tho I've heard some of them already in Ateneum, but...woah. Im getting goosebumps of this music. brrr haaa. Woah. Million micro-orgasm, I must say.

Yesterday was a day of doom. What ever I tried to do, failed. Really. I woke up very well, after seeing dreams about terrorist and my friends which I tried to say from him. Or it. I dont know what it was. Then at lectures I just stared one point at the wall or wrote ideas down to my notebook...I was extremely bored. Otherwise day was nice at school. Laughed a lot. Then after I and Camilla went to city. Sun was going down and air was quite warm. We walked slowly to centre and I found out that I got money from gig I did at newyears eve! woo. I was hungry and broke so It was the thingie which I need to save my day, partly. Well there was other wonderful brightly shining moments in that day, but...you know when few things goes badly, you just remember those and let them ruin your day. But I always do my best to avoid it. I bought food, candy, went to eat to Caroll's (I dont know why, but all I thought about was a hamburger so I let my tummy to lead me) ... Then it was already dark and we decided to walk back to campus on the ice of the lake!! It was great, snow snow everywhere and all the time I knew that there is deep cold water under me. Sky was darkblue, sunset red/orange and I could see stars everywhere shining thru the little clouds...

Then back at the campus I wrote email to friend, spend 1h for it, and computer crashed down in very moment when I was sending it. I was mad like a beeQueen. My phone rang, I got flood from 10 different person (which is quite unusual) at Irc...Then I was running to formitory, to help girls moving to another side of it...(btw, my roommate is leaving in end of the week - im going to live alone possibly...woo.) Then it happend again, when I was finally getting relaxed - phone ringing. So I spend rest of the day talking chatting bullshit on the phone ;) well its not like that, but I was so tired that it felt like it. Im glad that ppl call me, otherwise I would be totally alone here. haha. But there are ppl who use me as 24/7 free always available therapist...tsik tsik, that is something I dislike a lot from time to time.

When I was walking back to my room...my coffee cup, my dear piece of art coffee cup, joy of my everyday life, beautiful as a setting moon...Really. Im not materialist, but it was just so dear to me. It had color of a mocca beige, it had round desing and It was always a pure pleasure to fill it with coffee and tea. It was esthetic. No matter what, it made me feel like home. Just that one goddamn coffee cup. 8-)

- now its in pieces. Today I drank my morning coffee from a glass.

Today It took age for me to get up from bed. Day at the lecturies were ok. Weather was amazing. Best winter day ever - and I had to spend it indoors! Blaah. But teachers let us free at 15.00 (one hour earlier!) and after it I've been sitting here listening Groove convention. Ha. Soooo...nothing extremely serious had happen' today, yet. ;) I just need coffee.

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 09, 2002

maanantaina, tammikuuta 07, 2002

I mean - my phone cannot get connection when Im here, no one emails me, I cant call to no-one, its stormy so there is no way me to walk to city where my phone always works. Well...friday is here quickly...

maanantaina, tammikuuta 07, 2002

I already want to get out from here. haha.

maanantaina, tammikuuta 07, 2002

sunnuntaina, tammikuuta 06, 2002

Last night went having nice time at Apteekki, met some new intresting people. then having huge fight with one friend, but gladly we are still friends. Which seem to be quite impossible last night. Havent been that angry in ages. It was stupid. But that is how it goes sometimes. Tonight I'll pack myself and my stuff and - Järvenpää. Its not really inspiring at all. Oh well Im quite too tired, so I need to go to sleep and gather some power for packing and traveling. Sigh.

sunnuntaina, tammikuuta 06, 2002

lauantaina, tammikuuta 05, 2002

Im feeling a bit wicket. I dont know. Anyway, my owner of my mobilephone account now, I have voicemail box and all the goodies. Nicey. I just had great time at Fontana with Korte and Markus. Well week ago Mikko asked me there, and we dediced to see at saturday 2pm. I drank two cups of most delicious hot mint chocolate, yummy mocca and coffee. Three hours went fast. I send sms to Markus and puff there he was. How nice :)
I was on the phone all the time, almost. I really start to think that Im going to keep it closed when I see friends. Its very unpolite to chat on the phone while sitting with ppl you know you cannot see in ages or so. Well...Then we left and walked to city and sang Ultra bra together. It was fun. Other people just stared us. 8)

Yesterday I met one friend at Olavin Krouvi which gave me two albums he promised to borrow me ages ago. I've been listening them all the time after it. He said that they reminds him about sorb-i-tol, and I agree, I find many similarities. So everyone: Annette Peacock is fabulous! Her first album is very adorable clever and inspiring jazzy and all. Thought he said that its mostly pop. Duh. We sat and chatted few hours, and then it was time to go, cause I promised to meet Senni later at Okkola. He drove me there, and I waited Senni about 30mins alone. It was great. Sit in bar - alone. After meeting her, I got sms from Sanna, she asked could we meet at apteekki after her gig. I went to apteekki. It was full of ppl, but no person which I really wanted to chat with, so I stayed alone. Watch ppl, how they acted, what they talked...Then I decided to go home. It was midnight and first night bus goes after 1am, so I decided to walk. Air was all foggy. I met some ducks and just slowly walked 8km to home. It went very fast cause I just sang and thought about all the mysteries of life...at home I was like a ice cube! I didnt noticed it when I was walking, it was warm night! I drank hot juice and went bed after little chat with one person. It made me quite gloomy. Sigh, but that's what the life is. Tomorrow I will pack my things and catch bus to Järvenpää. Thought of it isnt really inspiring, but that's how it goes. Thing which makes me happy is that week goes fast, I got a bit money and student card so I can travel to Turku at next weekend. Good - I can join to one jamming session / memorizing event which ppl will arrange for one great musician and person who died two days ago.

Today they put my fathers uncle under the ground. Ppl are dying all the time around me...That's life.

at night to city! meeting Epa, Senni, Anna, Maria, maybe Korte and Pasi co. (Im going to bethe bassist in they're band when I get out from school at spring!! haha! grrrreat.) and Sanna and others. Im a bit down, so Its just what I need.

Also this afternoon was just what I needed also. Korte and Markus are both great company. All we talked with Korte was 'Goddamn, which may comes soon, we want to go to Hungary!' We all can not hardly wait that trip! Tehee...It will be great! :)

Im tired. I think I go and take a little nap. or coffee.

lauantaina, tammikuuta 05, 2002

perjantaina, tammikuuta 04, 2002

Listening Moulin Rouge soundtrack.
Im hungry. Didnt get any sleep at night. After something like 4am finally I fall asleep. I dont know where it all came from but I was feeling very gloomy and helples, and then I went thru little meditation and felt a lot better. I was just so much full of negative energy and feelings and balance inside me was out of order and every thingie in my life then felt somehow wrong. haha. Well my moods are very windy sometimes.

My stepmother called me quickly and woke me up. Asked about one old bill she's suppose to pay. *Yawn* ...

I should start my school works. But why Im still sitting here?

perjantaina, tammikuuta 04, 2002

tadah. After feeling a bit blue, I tried to put myself to school works, but no...So I decided to make winter kind of desing and use petrol blue and here is that chaotic 'desing' which I made. Puf.

perjantaina, tammikuuta 04, 2002

Had nice day. Met Petrus and Senni. Bought few nicey colorfull tights and drank a lot of coffee. Which I really needed, cause I had terrible night, my waking up moment was something terrible. I will tell about it later, now Im too laazy. Oh well. Then I met Epa. I promised her last night that I'll spend some time with her tonight, and so we went to Okkola, bought beers and sat there drinking those one pint of beers almost three hours. She's fallen with someone totally head over heels. Which is nice, Im happyjoy for her and of course I went to comfort her. We just sat tiredly in the Okkola's comfy sofa. I almost started to fall asleep so I said byebye and ran home. Long but mostly very nice day. Then Markus called me. We had very looong converstion about trip to Hungary in may. Im so excited about it. I need to hear more...I mean, they havent decide which way we going to take, but I which we go to Poland or WHAT ever I want to go everywhere. Its like few weeks after I get out from schoo, just what I need! Some shows, hostells, local pubs and music, jolly time...Just what I need! Whoah! Im fevering to get on the road! I've been longing to go just Gogogo where ever, Im always having peace in my heart, when Im going somewhere. Adventures. Ohh. I can hardly wait!
We also had very sappy conversation about ultra bra, and all about music...time just past by, and it was over midnight when I said byebye.

Ok. There's few things that have been pissing me off lately. I just need to get 'em out.

1. Euro money - I cannot believe it. I hate 'em. They are ugly. Im having chaos in my head, just trying to think how much this and this is in marks. Oh gosh, I got my first Euro's today, and now, euro's are all I have. I will never see marks again. In my memories...Haha.
2. Time / School - There is no time to argue about time!
always that hilarious quote from startrek...anyway. I havent got time to start my school thingies yet. Im always running. few days anymore. Im getting helluva stress over me soonish. Tomorrow is devoded to and just to school thingies. Maybe at night I go to city to meet one friend. Last change before getting back to school.
3. One person - I dont know what to think about this person. New personality in my life, which seems to be one to really get along with. Now...havent got a change to meet, always something, well both are busy I know...and I dont know, I think I did something (I always blame myself, right now I dont really know any other good points to put blame on) before new year I heard a bit from him, and after I got total radio silence, since yesterday. I decided to ask what's up. Suprise and what a amazement (Ok I've been very cynical some ways these days even tho Im very sappy in all the ways) : I got very...- well I dont know should I be amused, worried or what - SMS and...Well the thing is that Im shy. I always screw up new human relationships almost in a snap, so I dont really know what to do. Maybe I just quiet myself down and that's it. I think this person things Im fool or totally pathetic...
< / w h i n e > GOSH! I dont even know, why in earth I have that kind of whining thoughts inside my head. I dont know. I cannot help it...

Oh well...Fuck it. What ever. Bloody whoopedoopi-o!

I think is time to sleep...I mean, now suddenly Im feeling very strange. Pissed off and gloomy. Hour ago I was over top happy. Well its me. My mood changes as a wind. But this 'Bohoo, Im just pathetic piece of shit' whining doesnt really usually fall on to me. Just when Im really unsure or over tired. Shoot me. 8)

perjantaina, tammikuuta 04, 2002

torstaina, tammikuuta 03, 2002

Oh what a day. Tomorrow week is almost over, and I havent even started my school works yet! OH bloody hell! I cannot understand why. WHYYY! I feel so much guilty now, that I cannot handle it ;)
Ok, Tomorrow Im going to meet my therapist, need to do some paper work with her, now when its over. 3 years went past me so fast. Sigh. Then I'll meet Petrus and Senni. Then Epa. before it maybe home. back at night, when Im going to shut my phone and start to write finnish monology which I should to, chemistry thingie, biology thingie, mm... what else. There was a lot of other things, but I cannot remember. I know that when I get one done, others will be done fast after it. Im like that. Just getting started...its the thing I should learn to do faster. haha. Oh sue me.

And there is so much ppl I should meet before I go back to school! Shit! I dont have time, and I'll broke theyre hearts (not really, I hope)...Why I always need to go to city to meet them. Im always here, why dont they come here!

I woke up at 10am something today. Oh gosh. After it I've tried to stay away all day long! I dont know why, but I've been so extremely tired all day long. Coffee doenst seem to help at all. So I just mostly stayed at the sofa, watched tv, read one book about lucid dreams and tried to get inspiration to write a song OR for schoolworks. Nothing. Hey, Mr. Inspiration *waves* Im hee-eere. Come and catch me! Also I chatted with Senni. And then I spend rest of the day at the phone. Im going to do something to this, it never stop ringing! Now, I know, you think 'Well, you dont need to answer to it, huh?' But when I do that, I get worried SMS's that "is everything ok, you dont answer and Im very worried!" Or stuff like that.

I think I have a new friend. Im so happy. He's such an piece of gold. First time when I met him at Epa's parties ages ago...he's so nice to be with. We met before Xmas, at friday one week ago, in one church gig, where he started to play guitar 'Fly me to the moon' and I sang. Then we decided that at new years eve he's going to take guitar with him and we must jam! And so we did! Sang, laughed and had nice time. Today we talked about starting to gather somekind of great group of ppl and then play jazz. Hee. We'll see about that. :)

Today have been very ok. One thing which make it quite not really hilarious, was one web page, which made me memorize things, which I thought I left behind. Nothing way too serious, but enough after all. Oh well...

I have so much to write about, but Im soo lazy. Sleep I must go. Yes, Yes...

torstaina, tammikuuta 03, 2002

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 02, 2002

I think I have nothing wrong in my life, really, at the moment, but still...I write a song and all the lyrics which I write down seem to be so full of melancholy! Oh my. haha. Its beautiful winter day, very cold, clear sky, a lot of snow snow everywhere. Sun was shining so brightly that I had to wear sunglasses when I was out with dog.

I have few days left from my vacation. And guess what? I havent started my school works yet. I always leave everything to last moment. Stupid I am. Baka!

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 02, 2002

happy new year. Woah. I tell about last week laters. Now I need to go to sleep. Im death tired.

keskiviikkona, tammikuuta 02, 2002

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