perjantaina, syyskuuta 22, 2000

"Pain makes the world seem unreal.When you play the blues,it brings you back to real."
-CHAMPION JACK DUPREE
Theres a one of the best quotes in da world...there are more of course but my 24h dizzy head forgot everything always. Gotta run...to train! See you all in 10 days! :)

perjantaina, syyskuuta 22, 2000

Its beautiful morning. My room is all pink by the sunlight. Im slowly drinking my morning cup of coffee. In few hours Im leaving to Kajaani. Im pretty exited...And tired. I just slept some like 5h. Im still happy after my yesterdays cello lessons! My teacher is great! Imagine: I've played 6years when I was kid, 'til I ended going there. I didnt have my own cello, so I never didnt even tought cello after I give that rent one back. 5 years floated by. I was angry to myself cause I felt that playing was the only thing I really ever could do righty, and every fall I decided to try to get back to study in music school but I didnt have courage. And now, Im in. and my changes were very tiny cause they usually keeps student places open for little kids and In test there were like 5-6 little child and me. It was...strange. 8) But I got myself in! And I feel like miracle woman, cause I've been in lessons like 1month now (3 times with cello) and I play better than even 5 years ago! I've got additude in it, I've got something I didnt have 5 years ago. Music inside me learn its way to come out maybe? ;) Anyway...Yesterday my teacher teached me 7th position witih cello!!! I was like whoat!? Last time she said me that (I know 1-4 positions already, and now in few weeks I've learned myself to play 5-6...but 7th is someting huge...it highest sound you can get from cello and it is really really NOT easy! ) we'll going to start to play with positions later in winter...but now she said that I get bored 8) yeah true...She's great, we have exact same sense of humor etc. She dont even bother if Im late, cause she's usually later than I am! ;) And she play blues and jazz with cello! Coolest! But now...my sister want to come read her email... Laters.

Please miss me. Im ready to go. Back in 10 days. If someone have something to said SailorGennie@iobox.fi will listen you.

perjantaina, syyskuuta 22, 2000

Gosh. I've found some muscles inside my hands today which I've never used before...In cello classes...Im leaving tomorrow. I bought ticket today and left my cello there, they will put it in same train with me. I've backed my stuff. I've made Jouni's pages ready. theyre exactly what he asked for...minimalist, just main things and thought, picture and voila. There it is...Jouni Rytkönen... Hopefully he's happy. I've been totally busy now. I had hecktic day again and so much happend but Im so tired. I came home at 21 --> something and after it I've been cleaning my room, packing or something like that. Minute ago I left our sofa, cause I noticed that I was watching James Bond movie helf sleeping...It was like 5min clips went away from my movie experience. So...now Im here doing my ready to do to sleep thing. I have super early wake up. Tho my train leaves 9.20am. (6.40 was intercity train, its more expansice and they wont take any cellos there so I have to leave in another train)...Buhuu. Im going to miss my computer. When Im back I'll introduce you all my deary chat-chan friend called Elwood. :) Nighty nite.

perjantaina, syyskuuta 22, 2000

torstaina, syyskuuta 21, 2000

Im going to bed now. I started to think few movies and first of all the movie called Great Expectations...My sister has it as a book. I started to read it (not yet, Im having it here next to me right now, Im going to bed, I put fire to one big candle and start to float in other land. After I feel too much dizzy I pay my oneway ticket to Dreamland. Good plan, huh? :) Anyway...I have one beautiful quote from the movie. I love it. I love that movie also, It's beautiful, it touched me deeply. It was so fragile but still so powerfull...as this quote too:
"Do you know what this is? Do you feel this? This is my heart -- and it's broken."
-Finn (Ethan Hawke), from the movie great expectations

I wonder...Will I ever again let someone have my heart? Like one dear friend of mine week ago wrote this line in his sms: ...You deny that youre feeling anything, cause you afraid that your feelings will hurt you...and unfortunaly, usually they do that. You are a window, which too many human and thing have scratched..." That friend of mine...I feel so open with him, even I never open my mind totally for him. He just look into my eyes and know. Im like open book with him. We dont usually talk much together. We just write. When were together, our conversations are very much shallow or about anime. ;) He's amazing. And I miss him very much. last time we met...in spring? Too long ago. I've noticed that my personal life is crashing down totally and in same time my another part of life (job, music life, life it self) gets better. I use to have just my personal life with friendship. Well, its aint like that, what it sounds like, but something like that, still...Im just feeling a bit dizzy cause Im so tired. It always makes me sentimental.

Two weeks and my mother and his boyfriend or partner what ever you want to call him (he's just Pentti for me) will go married. Im glad.

10 days and Im back in Turku with my own BLACK cat/kitten...Im living (I live at home, but I dont meet them a lot, I sleep and live when they work, Im live when they sleep) "alone" so someone around me doesnt hurt. I just cant hardly wait that he growns up, I love adult cats. Usually people love love love kittens and start to get bored when theyre adults, but I like more adult ones...theyre so...bitchy. ;) They have some attitude! Maybe I need something who's here with me when I want to talk, but never answers. I've wanted cat so much after I was little and our old cat died. We use to have 4 dogs and cat, and I cant imagine my life without cat anymore. Elwoods life depends on me, still he has his own brains and personality and way of life...Oh god how much I do love him. He'll have long journey here to his new home. 8h in train. For little kitten it can be long way away from his mother. Maybe he'll sit in my arms and look - stare me like he always do. He just sit in one place like 30min and just stare something or someone, he's curios, he's active and very playfull and very very stubborn sometimes (well...usually kittens are).

I miss his warm black fur and little 'miaow' sound if I turn my back while Im sleeping and that little <--20cm--> big creature wokes up to noticed that my warm body is not there anymore protecting him. (I was then a bit annoying cause he slept against my neck and always when I turned my back or head or what ever I did, he woked up, sitted there and say "miaow" to my ear. I usually opened my eyes and placed my head in same place were it was. Ok...Im half asleep now. Mindfloating. Nighty nite.

torstaina, syyskuuta 21, 2000

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 20, 2000

Im death tired. I was working tonight. I really enjoy my time in that place...I really do. I love those ppl who visit there, a lot ppl around the world. I met japanese, american, brittish, irish, italian etc etc. ppl today. I do my job mostry in english. Theyre very kind to me when I they pay me and I give them change and Im still a bit slow with my math...and...they just laught warmly and say "oh take you time"..."there's always first day"...and such. Tonight was my second time there and those ppl I saw yesterday and came there writing email to theyre family and friends back there where ever they live, they come straight to talk to me and ask how are you, are there someone in line etc. In hamina theyre building a big cruiser named boat, theres over 1000 ppl building it from all around the world and most of them spend theyre free time in Surf City drinking coffee, chatting with me and writing emails. It's perfect. Just the way I like it.

When I came home at 9pm, I just changed clothes and mother and I went out to make our recular nighty 5km walk. I was SO tired when we came home after it. And now Im half sleeping. I havent slept in days. Just few hours or something. Tomorrow I'll have BUSY day. I have to wake up very early (hate it) and go to city, then back, then few hours home playing cello, then to city meet Senni, then we go shopping(?) and in punanaamio to buy skinglue and...mm...I try to look some clothes for my Larp character. My neck is killing me. Im SO happy that I have change to go to Kajaani and clear my brains there. Im going to be there something like 10days...Im back 2.10...one (and few days over) week just relaxing, spending time with hypersuper ppl, with my dad, with my dad's blues band (My another family) and...in forrest. Im going to collect money with lingonberries...They pay very well and every place is full of it in north. YAY! :)) Anyway...then after running around in city with Senni, Im going to run to my cello lesson, after it Im going to run in bank, after it I have to go to trailwaystation to get my ticket, after it I come home and clean this chaostic room and pack, then sleep, then woke up in friday at 5am, then to train 6.40am and then 15.20 Im in kajaani!!!!!

Im so happy that I'll bring Elwood (my kitten...birthname was 'Nobody' but I decided that his name will be Elwood) with me when I came back to Turku. He is 1½ months old. Only thing Im worried about that next weekend when I came home is full of action. In friday night I'll go to Influessa Larp. Im back in sunday. I have to get nanny for Elwood then. My plan was that I came home in friday night and go back in saturday afternoon, but I got email today that it would be better to stay. In friday small group is having larp about what's happening before that main larp which starts in saturday. Im neurvois...and totally tired. I dont even care do I write clearly cause my hands are so tired that I just click something and my eyes just dont bother to watch whats going on the screen. Ok...Laters. ^_^

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 20, 2000

I got phone call from my job. I have to go work tonight too. Nicey.

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 20, 2000

OK, wanna see ppl sleeping? You cant see theyre dreams, but you can see them sleeping. LOL. Really...8)

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 20, 2000

I had super perfect exiting day. Im death tired so Im going to find my way to dreamland right now. I tell more at morning...Im happy. Happy happy happy. My personal life is going down, but my mood about everything else just go high...thank you for the music, new job, Larp and great character I got for Influenssa and Kajaani were Im going to go in Friday! *jumping around* mm...I dont remember when I was this tired. Hopefully I see some exiting action dreams...I havent saw any agent dreams in ages...or any anime dreams I use to see all the time 6months ago. They were perfect. I really hope that life could be that colorfull and kawaii chibi than in anime. OOh...I want nature lilac hair and big pink eyes. I want to have magic powers, big cyper GUN and beautiful body (and un-natural sameway...0.5/5 body, 1/5 hair and 3.5/5 legs) and I could kick everyones ass and go everywhere inside my 40m high MECHA! That's my dream. I want to be Misato (or Rei...Thought Misato is just like me...so like me) from NGE! mm...Off now to have some kokkaii dreams! Laters. Bless.

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 20, 2000

tiistaina, syyskuuta 19, 2000

Im home again. And Im away soon too. Im going to meet my sister at...16.15 somewhere. I got post today. Very nice. First issue of one poem and literature magazine called "lumooja"...it looks fine and I havent even read it yet...just few stories and it has very good stuff on it. Im happy that I got that magazine home in 4-6 times at year. Im also happy that I know that we have bunch of my favorite fruits, peaches in kitchen. Im happy that I got sms from my stepmother, but Im unhappy that she doesnt answer then I try to call her. Maybe she's out with dog, I suppose. mm Laters.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 19, 2000

Nighty nite, Dont let the bed bugs bite.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 19, 2000

Yeah...I got one of my "work" page done...it just need picture, but Im going to get in when they send it to me. But Im quite happy about this now, cause it looks simple, just the way he wanted it to be, and he wrote some stuff he would want me to make and I did everything he asked. put logo and such.

...I was hyper active minute ago, and I still got my Paint Shop Pro 6 on...So I started to draw...and here is my hilarious cutie Cat! Its me on the morning when someone comes to wake me up and theres no coffee around!! I drawed this one in minute and I think this simple black-line stuff looks CUTE...Oh...one week and then I get my cat here. His birthname is Nobody, but I dont want to keep that name for ever. He's more than nothing. So...I watched him and I got a list and speak to it. There was like...30 different name. Best one that fitted and Nobody felt good about it (and really, He reminds me about young Elwood Blues, but as a cat.) SO now my cat is called Elwood. So this image under could be Elwood, but E is all black. mm Laters.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 19, 2000

maanantaina, syyskuuta 18, 2000

I still have that terrible headache...It came back when I was in city. I dont really understand why and were it came from? Oh anyway. Tomorrow is nice day! Im going to start my job! Now its just unofficial stuff, 2h per day. I just learn to do everything I need to do, but in november im going to start as a recular worker there! It's super! I love everyone there, so nice ppl. And they teach me everything now, we decide when I come and if anyone want to have day off or something they can call me (before noverber of course...) and I get paid. I dont have anything better to do, so it works for me! Im happy! *jumping around* Yesh. * and she makes a goooaal *

Oh what that place was? Well...its internet cafeterian...web-cafe called surfcity. Im helping ppl with computers and such and I also make pages! Superb! Right now there's one girl working there who dont know anything about computers...so when I was drinking (free) coffee and waiting boss she was sitting front of computer which was right behind me and asked "Lotta...do...do you know anything about computers?" I was like yeah, quite much actually...and helped her. Computer was near in totally tilt but I saved the day ;)) Kihih...Well...there was change to start my work tonight, but I said that can I come tomorrow, cause I have horrible headache...And boss (one _very_ nice indian man, I dont remember his name, I was feeling so dizzy 'cause of that headache) was oh of course, come tomorrow at 6pm. Whee. Tomorrow I also have something to do at 17.00...Busy day, but I dont care! Im so happy that I just love to do everything I have to do...I got material for one page I have to finnish soonish and now Im off to make them. I love when I have works to do, but now great really really soon to come deadlines, they just give me time to do my best.

I also went to look new glasses today...I think that I just get new pair of lenses in these old ones, cause I didnt found anything "different kind of" stuff...And I bought these like 1½ year ago, and then these was just one piece of this kind of glasses...I went there and there was still one quite same, same label and such, but I asked why no-one havent bought them yet? "well...theyre too strange looking and different kind of glasses for ppl." and then he (one very girly young man...LOL he was funny and cute. he talked like little anime girl.) tried to find something for me...but they all were the same kind of black plastic stuff. Duh.

Im going to bought Dancer in the Dark soundtrack called Selmasongs soonish. Whee... I have seen it all. Laters.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 18, 2000

legend of a cowgirl...Imami Coppolas song. I havent heard this one in ages and gotta say I love it...Whohoo...

kahvia kansalle joka kohmeudessa vaeltaa

maanantaina, syyskuuta 18, 2000

what a headache.

Gotta go to shower. UUh...I love this song...new Ultra Bra single rox! Im floating high... Ok, wish me luck, Im having "job interview"...brake your leg. Of course. Laters.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 18, 2000

My back is killing me. I still have that horrible headache and I maybe know why...my neck is gone. Its not really neck anymore, its a place were pain is. Uh. Hate this. I woke up at 9am something. I wonder why my dog didnt woke me up, 'cause she usually do that. I cant see her around, she is sleeping under some bed right now, and hopefully stays there too, cause Im too tired to take her out for a walk right now. Sunny day. Nice. And quite cold. Nice ++! Maybe Im sick person but I enjoy autumn when its cold! Jimi Henrix died 30years ago. So, that's why everyone is partying it right now, radiomafia plays his music and talk about his life. When I die, will there be anyone who remember me and talks about me when I've been under the sand over 30 years? No! God, why Im not brilliant guitarist ;) Tihih...how funny I am. I really do amazed myself sometimes. Anyway...I was telling you something, but my brains forgot it. I didnt have any mail or email today. How sad. I wonder why my sister get's like one - five letter or such everyday. Does she pay for it? And she even dont get bills, just well...stuff. If I get post its always a bill or such. Whehee...tonight Roots night = howling wolfs in radio mafia...my favorite blues show. Mmm...now theyre playing Jimi Henrix angel. I love this song. Smooth...Laters.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 18, 2000

Ahaha, I must say that I really do enjoy every song that sound like elevator music...Im listening NGE soundtrack 1. and it has this track named 'barefoot in the park' and it sounds like it's from 60's tv shows or...from elevators...and my god how I love this track. It is so smooth that my mind start to fly high always when I hear it.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 18, 2000

Im manic depressive person today. Im over top happy and then I am the most angsty little moody bastard. Now Im between of them. And that's why Im planning to rest. So here I go to bed. Maybe this headache leave me when I fall into my private little dreamworld. Bless.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 18, 2000

Oh shit its inside my head again...I've had headache like this last time about year ago, and back then I use to have 'em all the time, and it was pain in the ass (or head) for me. I really forgot how painfull it is. And I dont even have any proper medicine for this kind of migraines anymore. I use to eat blue cute capsels like food. I really miss those now. :(

Hopefully this is just this, cause it was hell to have migraine like in 3 days per week. I wonder is this just this or will it stay. Big question and answer will ruin my whole future. Im having job interview tomorrow and I would really like to I MEAN really go there :) So...go away you little(?) perky headache, go away, I want to sleep, I want to walk and keep my eyes open. With you, Im not quite able to do anything among those little things which keep human alive, so go away, soon. Thank you.

That was my goodbye letter to one pain-in-the-ass friend called migraine.

What I did in my weekend?...well...
In saturday I just watched tv from corner of our little cute soft sofa. I channelsurfed all day. all day. I answered to phone twice and made one phonecall to my Dad. I went to kitchen to make popcorn twice (and get some water) and food once. I went to toilet twice. I left my sofa corner few times to write this blog and read my emails. I left my sofa corner once to go to sleep in my bed. And that I did at 3am. That was my saturday. Nothing more. I woke up today at 12am and started to watch tv and suffer this migraine I still have (it went away with bunch of pills but now its here for me again)...It came back after I came back home. We took long walk again with my mum. Hum...Well mostly today I watched tv, those recular sunday show's that everyone woke to watch in sundays here in finland. Friends, The Simpsons, Futurama, Dawson's creek etc. Those good 'ol "I put my brains to table corner and leave them to rest for awhile"-shows. Yesh. I opened my window sec ago to watch those north lights and what I got from it...a mad fly inside my room. It keep awful noise and want to fly inside my computer screen (its only bright light here)...I dont want to hurt it but I really must kill it. No...Im not going to do that, my head hurts so much that I cant move it. So I go and turn on bright light inside another room, open my door, and the fly fly away. Yes, that's my clever plan. Im like the brain here. Oh, I wonder how I always sound...oh fuck...its not a fly...its BEE! Argh! I gotta get it away from here...I thoght while ago that how little fly can make so much noise...no wonder cause its bee. And Im allergic for 'em. And I scare them. I must get it away. So now, I, hero, the one and the only Bee-killer with horrible migraine try to do something about it. Laters.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 18, 2000

oh my now whole sky is full of it...this is huge...from north to east from zenit to...everywhere...god this amaze me. Last time I saw something like this I was little girl. Its green mostly, a lot of orange and red too...wow...

maanantaina, syyskuuta 18, 2000

THERE*S A HUGE NORTH LIGHTS STORM OUTSIDE!!!!!! I*VE SEEN MANY BUT THIS IS HUGE! HUGE! God how amazing some aurora borealis can be...I was watching James Bond - goldfinger from tv when my mother alert me to balcony! And now my phone keeps ringing all the time, cause my friends watch and observe that same aurora borealis show from all over the country! It's huge! Im living almost in the middle of the city and there light pollution all over me but still this storm is so clear that it's almost hurt my eyes! Those colors! WOAH! I know exactly why Im leaving...This natures beauty keeps me alive...

My horrible headache btw is back...damnet.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 18, 2000

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 17, 2000

Oh God how I love Neon Genesis Evangelion soundtrack music...It better than life itself. REALLY! It's huge, it has everything and so much different kind of tunes, something for everyone, something for every mood. My headache is finally gone. It was so horrible that I couldnt move my head and only think I could do was lying in bed my eyes closed. All I heard was humming and I felt my heart beats in my brains...it was horrible. I dont remember when was the last time I had headache like that. I felt so sick that I almost womit. mm granparents came to visit...gotta go play socialgirly.

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 17, 2000

I try new look for this weblog...my keyboard is broken...its hard try write when your have to hit hit hit to get some stuff on the screen.

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 17, 2000

My god...I have major headache...I cant move...my eyes...argh...

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 17, 2000

Now bed to sleep. I watched Bond movie (the second one titled "From Russia with love") and it was nice...after it I just falled sleep in same position in the sofa's corner and I woke up moment ago. Now Im heating to the my own good 'ol bed. See you tomorrow. Bless.

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 17, 2000

Everyday is another story to go thought. Im watching James Bond movie. Im tired. Im dreaming about one 1.5l bottle of cold pepsi. Why in earth there are not any 24h stores around here...Im too lazy to walk 8km to city to get one bloody bottle of cola. But...still...

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 17, 2000

lauantaina, syyskuuta 16, 2000

I was reading riothero and I find intresting link from his weblog. Geliophobia - Fear of laughter. I must have that.

lauantaina, syyskuuta 16, 2000

it's all clear outside and freezing. I've done nothing today. Just watched tv with empty face from the sofa's corner. Im still waiting that Bond movie...hour to wait...or less.

lauantaina, syyskuuta 16, 2000

If your reading this ali, someday, I send you card! Postcard! Hopefully you get it soon! Miss you.

lauantaina, syyskuuta 16, 2000

Im reading Kurt Vonneget's Slaughterhouse 5...It's best. It's grey day. Im feeling a bit gloomy.

lauantaina, syyskuuta 16, 2000

Yesterday and last night were great. At night I went to meet my friends in observatory and we had so much fun. I havent laught that much in...weeks. Or months. I was full moon. And one new guy came to see places too and I hope he came to meet us often. He was very nice person. Anyway...It was clear night so we decided to go to Kevola, which is our another observatory in country side of town, away from city's lights and such. It was perfect. I came home at 5am and went straight to bed. It was relaxing night. One quite new person in our group called Petrus (This was second time when I met him, so his quite new to me, but not so quite new to others, cause he was in Cygnus [amateur astronomers summer meeting] and such) were there with us. And I have to say that I dont know him personally but I like him very much. I hope he stay in the group. So many have came in and then disappeard. Im tired. I woke up at 11am when my sister woke me up. Now Im home alone, cause she went to spend weekend with her boyfriend. She like lives there. She just come home to do her school stuff and wash clothes in weekdays and then again go there. Its sad. I dont meet my identical twinsister often anymore. When she's home she's in her room, or sleep or...then we go to city and search some clothes or talk about music. Or fight. ;) But...sad. Well that's life. And Im totally happy for her. She and Tuomas (her boyfriend) had theyre one year day few weeks ago, and theyre still happy together. Its great, cause I dont know many relationships that strong.

Im tired. I may take a nap and then play some cello. I had great cello lesson yesterday! My teacher teach me do vibration and I do it like I do it when I play guitar, and when you play cello, you have to do it other way. She teach me that other (right) way to do it, and now I found some muscles from my left hand I've never used before. It's hard and that's why I have to practise it much. It's amazing how hard it can be to do cause it looks so easy! But it isnt. With cello. :P We also had fun to play together and talk about music and laught alot. Im happy that I got her to teach me. She's great personality.

I called to Dad while ago. They (Virpi and he) were at Pohjavaara, spending theyre weekend with Yte and Tellu. And also with kittens. Theyre decided to take Nobody's (my cats) brother (who is only kitten without new home yet) and Viiru which have been theyre cat after Dooris death. Anyway...Now they have one Dog, and after few weeks...Two cat!! And when I come to visit 'em were having one dog and three cat in the house. What a zoo. Cause I have to take Nobody with me when I go in Kajaani, cause mother dont want to take care of any pet when Im away. It's not problem to me, cause all those kittens get along togerher and are good friends, but what a zoo it will be. I changed my cello lesson from next friday to next thursday, so I can take early morning train to Kajaani in friday. I can hardly wait to get there, autumn is in best part in north right now, in nights temper is like -5 degrees and such. Everything is red, yellow or orange and glittering. I love autumn! Expecially when its in north. Last night when we were observing the night sky it was SO freezing, something like -2 degrees. I had so much clothes on, but it didnt help when you was tired. I drank few litres of coffee and ate caffeine tablets but still when you are awake your body is tired. Then you feel like ice cube even if there are +30 degrees in the air. 8)

Im alone home. Right now I dont want to be all alone, tho I dont want to meet anyone either. There's nothing on in tv. Just one James Bond movie at night, but I have many hours to it. I maybe watch some movies. I have bunch of movies which I've record in this month but I havent got time to watch 'em. Maybe I start to view them now. Maybe.

One thing is great too! I got phone call from one place...job stuff. They maybe hire me in November. In monday Im going to try that job for few hours. When Im back from Kajaani I maybe work there like 5 hours in week 'til November. Im delighted about it. Totally. But let's see what happends in monday. Laters.

lauantaina, syyskuuta 16, 2000

perjantaina, syyskuuta 15, 2000

I'll bet that today Im going to be all alone. Well I dont even bet, cause I know. Senni is at her boyfriend all weekend and mum & Pentti are in summer cabin. Alone in the dark. Uuh...I really need to play some Twin Peaks soundtrack right now.

perjantaina, syyskuuta 15, 2000

Strange. I got mail from one guy who's quite new in Tursa. I've seen him few times. Anyway...It was few lines, but made me quite happy. I've had so terrible week that even mail with one sarcastick line in it can make me very happy person. Its quite ironic...but Im not going to tell why. 8)

perjantaina, syyskuuta 15, 2000

Last night after walk with my mother (and dog) I watched most amazing indie movie. It was really amazing and it had one of my favorite actress Lili Taylor (she have done many better than life movies like Addiction and Arizona Dreams for example) in it. I dont remember exact name for that movie, but it had taste of life in it. You know that feeling that "GOD why in real world you never get any of days like that, or conversations like that..." and you just watch it and feel your heart beat and feel so alive when its over. Its one of the best movies I've seen in long time. It was in video, my sister recorded it while I was in Kajaani, but I havent had time to watch it until now. It was a lovestory. Kinda. It had strange but well...happy ending. It has some so real characters in it, stuff that you have in everyday life, but you just dont think that theyre anything special, until this you see this movie. ;) "Those words you keep quiectly inside you are usually more important"...its so true. People talk much, but usually those words they keep inside 'em are words you just should go ahead and say. I prefer to be quiet than talk about nonsense or things that doesnt matter much. I hate people who come to me and first thing they tell me is theyre lifestory from born to nowaday. And after that they start to talk about themselfs. Ppl think too much, they talk too much and keep quiet too much. And usually that kind of persons should speak when theyre quiet and thinking, about things they try to console...Blaah. I have little headache.

Its nice day, sky is babyblue, no clouds...sun is shining...Im listening Swing out sisters and waiting next week when I get into Kajaani. Laters.

perjantaina, syyskuuta 15, 2000

The day has finally has finally arrived...And its over in few weeks. All you can see from tv is just sport 24h. What a pleasure. :P

perjantaina, syyskuuta 15, 2000

I woke up moment ago and watched some powerpuff girls from cartoon network. Its freezing outside and doggie wants to go out...SO Im preparing myself to go. Cello lessons today. Joy!

I hate this...my ftp thing wont work...maybe bug or what ever it is, is in ursa's server. Well, I'll try again later. I saw some wicket dreams which I dont remember but feeling when I woke up was dizzy. Maybe I saw those secret agent dreams I see from time to time.

perjantaina, syyskuuta 15, 2000

Im listening jazzofrenia from radio mafia...right now someone is playing jazz with cello! And it sounds great...I was in music library today. I was searching some cello notes, Im bored to play all those old songs. I was searching some moody stuff like Bach's siciliana (usually played with violin and organs) or Albino's adagio, but I didnt found 'em...I was too tired to just search cause there was like 600 notebook for cello and computer didnt found exactly anything...but something I found which was very interesting, tho I didnt take it cause I didnt have my librarycard with me. Well the book was from collection called "Jazz improvisation method" part 2. which was named "for cello"! :)) It was perfect for me! It was big book, wrote in english and all notes were writed and printed in recular hand writing...it had so much in it! I have to rent it soon, cause I want to learn everything from it! Perrrfecto!

I also bought new record today! I had two records I wanted...but I only got 40FIM money...so I had to chooce...there was no-one with money with me, so I had no change to borrow any...Well...The cd I bought is named: "Hot jazz biscuits" and its collection of funk, groove and jazz from 90's. It was just 39FIM, so it was totally almost free ;) And its great record! It has some happy fun funk jazz stuff in it, you put it on and your gloomy mood is away! Another record I wanted was Acid Dub collection, but it cost 79FIM and I didnt have that much money. So I'll get it next week...maybe. Anyway! My aunt Hilu visited here today, she is so sappy and pepper person that its always pleasure to get her here. She going to boat trip so she'll get my favorite lipstick from Tax Free for me. Nicey. It's like half cheaper in tax free than in normal stores here in Turku.

FTP dont work again. I hate it.

Ahh...theyre playing Chick Corea in radio. Joy!

perjantaina, syyskuuta 15, 2000

electric torture game...

perjantaina, syyskuuta 15, 2000

torstaina, syyskuuta 14, 2000

what is autumn doing creeping out for me?

torstaina, syyskuuta 14, 2000

I came in from long walk with my mother few minutes ago...Its freezing starry night! Full moon too! It was so beautiful...roads asphalt were glittering and everything was blue. It was magical. Air in autumn...its sparkling...you can feel it when you take deep breath. Only sound you hear is city's quiet humming. It's very dreamlike. Only thing is that you can feel that you are walking and you can see your legs. In dreams you always see yourself floating around, you never see you legs or sense that theyre moving.

torstaina, syyskuuta 14, 2000

me off to sleep. OK, before I go...you know Im fontfreak...well my friend send me super cool kawaii link! I'll name it to be todays Lotta's hyperlink so surf into:fontomas!! YAY! IM like way too moody to surf in it and download everything...Bless!

torstaina, syyskuuta 14, 2000

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 13, 2000

It started to rain! :))

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 13, 2000

Im listening Björk's Bachelorette and feeling gloomy. My hands are quite tired...I've played cello like a mad one...its best way to get my temper calm down. Im tired. I've cleaned this place all day. Oh...I have to write few emails! There's one very (few actually) nice things going on: I've got two emails were they ask me to make webpages for 'em...kihih...and other is that I met mesmers Kimi today and I got some songs to learn. Very nice. Nice nice nice! :)

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 13, 2000

Im hyper tired...off to sleep now. Tomorrow I'll have long busy day again! Bless! :)

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 13, 2000

tiistaina, syyskuuta 12, 2000

I just had worst day in this very year were living now. Im happy that tomorrow is another day...hopefully. 8)

tiistaina, syyskuuta 12, 2000

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im going to kill someone soon. I have so much something inside me that I just want to scream. Everything I try turns in to nothing, everything I chooce to start brake into something..."no money"..."no you cant go there cause you have to find job" well DUH?! What I have tried every fucking minute?! GETTING A JOB! I want to do something...but no...no japanese classes cause if you start 'em you cant take night job if you get one...god damnet...I want to do something else than sit front of this fucking computer 24h...but no...Fer christ sake...

tiistaina, syyskuuta 12, 2000

My hands are all "sober" and achy cause I played cello like a mad one...I have too much bad energy inside me now and playing some hard fast song is best way to get it out...Yesh! Soonish in tv: Sex in the city and Ally McBeal...Great weather! Sky is all clear! Quess what im going to do tonight! SLEEP!...no just kidding...;) Tho, I have early wake up tomorrow...and some new things start tomorrow, Im exited. I also have to call in few places and search job etc. Busy day! Shame that its so late...after 9pm Im not allowed to play or sign. Well I have to think those little kids and babies that lives next door. Yeah, sure. Oh well, Laters.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 12, 2000

My morning was awful! I wanted to sleep but I woke up when my dog started to wain (it was horrible noise) and tried to woke me up, my sister were singing in her room with her stereo (volume was horrible) shouting like mad one and in living room tv was on, some news and it has all volume on too...and then phone started to rang. And my sister didnt hear anything cause her stereo had so much volume...I tried to shout "ANSWER GOD DAMMET!" but no...I had horrible headache too...then I woke up and shouted into phone "WHAT?!"...it was mum who wanted to woke me up. Gosh it was horrible. Noise all around me and dog who wanted to go out and didnt let me even make coffee...buhuu. Im happy that now this day seems to be much better...

I might get job...little job...one webpages...I'll tell about that later...They even pay me for that...

My phones saldo ended today! One long minus for this day too. Now I start to play cello...I bet that strings will broke in pieces or something like that...cause really...this is my lucky day.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 12, 2000

Blahoo...Im death tired. Off to sleep. Hard day tomorrow. Bless.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 12, 2000

IM searching pictures from internet...I found few nice one...Its quite late. I have to woke up at 7am...so Im heating to bed soonish. What a day tomorrow will be...running around again. I hate it.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 12, 2000

Moby just kick ass!

tiistaina, syyskuuta 12, 2000

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

Im listening howling wolfs (blues show) from radio mafia...my tradition for mondays...and desining new stuff in to my pages...buhuu. Wanna go to Kajaani soon! I miss everybody so much. And its best time of the year there...trees are all yellow and red...air is glittering and fresh...autumn. When I was walking with my mother I found one all red leaf...autumn is 100% here too soon. Gotta love it. Heheh...someone won tickets for Lahti Blues festifal! :)) Fun thing is that my fathers blues band have a show there! Tihih...funny. Yummy...Im eating my favorite salad right now...feta salad. Yummy!!!!! One thing why I dont wanna ever die...salads! 8)

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

Im watching movie called showgirls with my another eye...I have seen it like 2 times before and it's stupid, but it has one very great and hansom actor in it...same who act Dale Cooper in Twin Peaks...ring the bell? ^_^ Gee...Im bored.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

Im your pride and joy...dont mind dying lover boy... GOSH...i just love that blues song...it got so much attitude in it that I get sooo happy always when I listen it...Im going out to walk with mother and doggie. Its quite nice weather, windy a bit autumn stormy and glitterin...have to wear some warm clothes on then. Senni came home quite early today, which was nice, I havent seen her since friday. My hands are cold...I've sitted front of this 'puter so long and desinging new layot and desing for my pages! Im going to make it a bit retro like, pictures of twiggy and retro stuff around. Something funny and such :) have to scan new pictures about myself soonish cause I dont have black hair anymore and my pages are full of pictures about me, were I look like finnish japanese chick...its not bad thing, but I want to put pictures were I am what I am now...redhair-chick! :)) Laters!

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

Im listening Towa Tei's Sound Museum...My sister boyfriend burn her few nice cd's! :)) Whales 'all disco dance must end in broken bones' which is very very nicey...Moby's 'play' and chemical brothers news album...which is nice too, but I've listen it so much that right now Im not intressed about it. But this whale kick ass! :))

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

I "woke" up while ago...Im drinking my morning coffee right now. and Dog keep stearring at me her legs crossed. I should go out with her. Soonish. I need my coffee before I start to do anything...My plans for tomorrow: playing cello. Nothing more. I have nothing else to do right now. I should write letter for my friend, I might do it at evening. Its cloudy day and very windy! I opend my mobilephone minute ago and I got message from few of my friend and both say that I have to wish them some luck...well here it is in finnish:

Onnea kirjoituksiin Nume (ja Jani)...älkää jännittäkö liikaa kyllä se siitä! :)) *Haleja*

Im not poetrick today so that was just that...but still I always mean everything I say. Gosh...dog start to act very "im ready to make poo" now so I have to run outside with her NOW...Laters!

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

Im really quite tired. I try to think nice domain name...some of my ideas are taken. Sad. But I'll think something. Btw...I wound new chupachups lollipop...it taste strange...but nice anyway! Im off now. Bless.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

plaah. Im still awake.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

Im going to buy own domain someday...maybe in few months when I get more money...I havent decided domain name yet but will see...something with personality and which is easy to remember...something shorter than http://personal.inet.fi/koti/for.kamary/Lore...you know what I mean 8)

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

tihihih...what a joke!

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

Yay...selmasongs (dancerinthedark soundtrack) comes in to stores in few weeks...I gotta get money somewhere and buy it! I can hardly wait!

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

Im listening Scott Walker...Im amazed how his music can be so great. Shame, that he dont do music anymore...

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

Im bored. Tomorrow I have to wake up early. That's why I should go to sleep now, but I just dont feel like sleeping. I might start to build some new graphigs into my pages or something like that. It's beautiful night, I even might go into balcony and start to watch something with our little telescope. My friend Janne is alive...he has been very quiet lately but now he do answer to my messages...from time to time. I really miss him. But Im too tired to travel to Helsinki and meet everyone. I just want to be here, make music, sleep, eat, sleep and think. Im too tired to meet everyone in very same weekend. and when I go to helsinki, I always want to meet everyone, cause if I dont do that, someone start to hate me, feels unsure do I like 'em anymore or such. I hate it. I hate when ppl do that for me. "why dont you call me, why dont you come here and never tell me that your in town? dont you wanna meet me anymore?"...of course I want to meet 'em...but...not in same very weekend. I want to give my time for one ppl at one time. It's horrible when you have to be heart open for everyone in very same time. oh well...laters.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 11, 2000

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 10, 2000

This F**king blogger system lost like 3. writings I wrote today...testing testing...will this work now?

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 10, 2000

I wrote stuff here earlier, but this damn blogger went down and I lost that long part I've wrote. Buhuu. I hate computers sometimes...and I can really say that I have good reason for that, dont ya think? ;) Im listening Jamiroquai right now...Black Capricorn day is perfect song...I love this old funky groove feeling what they still can find and bring for us to hear. Ah...dinner is almost ready...gotta go...Laters.

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 10, 2000

I've played cello all day. My hands are all tired, its even hard to write this stuff now. But gosh, I play more better when even 5 years ago! I have that pure joy in it. I just dont play cause I have to. It feels so great. I just could play 24h! I enjoy it so much! Im listen satie now...relaxing piano tune. Well...I watched dawson's creek too. My favorite sunday-show. It's beautiful weather and all I do is sit here inside and looking outside and sighing "what a beautiful weather!"...silly. 8) my step-father is cooking my favorite chicken meal. Im starving so I can hardly wait to get fill my empty tummy. Laters.

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 10, 2000

lauantaina, syyskuuta 09, 2000

Im so tiiireeed. Im going to go to sleep right now. you cant stop me. I usually watch tv till 7am in saturdays, but right now...and today...its been so hectick that I really really need some serious dreamstuff. Hopefully I catch some beautiful and smooth dreams tonight. Hopefully. 'bursting bubbles/ your intimate guddles/ in never ending sentimental way of us/ after this I gotta stop'...one think I hate is that some song keep rolling inside my head when Im going to sleep...then I cant sleep cause all I do is hearing that tune inside me...blaah. maybe I have to ask my mother to hit my head with hammer...then all I see is star and I sleep quite well...or if this is cartoon day I could see circle of yellow little birds flying around my head! *titityy* :D Ok ok...this stuff start to sounds sick...Nighty nite! :))

lauantaina, syyskuuta 09, 2000

I got great day today! I woke up at 10am and started to play cello. at 14.30 Jukka picked me up and we went to sauvo to make sorb-i-tol songs in his homestudio and it was great fun! I really enjoy my time there a alot. I got a bunch of ideas...most of my singing was plain inspiration burst but well we got something almost ready. not almost...it's quite open what kind of song it will be...but melodies, mood and such are quite done. Im listening it right now. I came home at 21.30 or something. Im tired. I made hot chilli noodles for myself and started to listen music. Tomorrow Im going to (maybe, I havent decided it yet...) go in test-singing for one musical. I heard about it today, I havent study any songs for it or such, but it's at 6pm tomorrow, so if I wake up early I can decide to go or not to go. Dunno. If I dont really have better to do I go...but it will be great joke. Im not going to do it seriously, just see will they take me. It could be fun to have some musical project now. :) I love theather. I love musicals. Thanks to my mum...when I was little we watched every old musical from tv...and we still do that! :) But now...some coffee...I have too much energy now...

lauantaina, syyskuuta 09, 2000

perjantaina, syyskuuta 08, 2000

It was perfect. I cant talk about it cause it was so huge thing to myself. I think my heart crash soon. It was too much, and too beautiful, too real too touching too much to handle in one piece, but that's why it was more than perfect! It was superious! Now I can die as a happy person! Viva la movies.

My first cello lesson with cello went perfectly too! It was so fun to play and get new notes to play. Im listening Eddie "knock on wood" Floyd and drinking beer. Im tired, I was so tired after that movie that I didnt even want to go to meet my friends. I just wanted to be alone, watch ppl past me by and think my head empty. Im having sms conversation with my step-mother right now...she cant talk cause she's in pub with her and my dad's friends and they all are having so much and music around so if I call, she cant hear me. I've got a lot of sms today from ppl I havent heard in ages! It's pleasure! And It makes me so happy that I dont know what to say.

perjantaina, syyskuuta 08, 2000

OK...today in few little hours Im going to see it all...DITD! I need to take tissues with me. Just in case.

Terrible weather...my cello bag, me and my clothes are all wet. Stormy very very rainy autumn weather, even umberella will not help you cause its so windy! :P I may skip my plans to go to observatory tonight... Laters, gotta run. I just came home to leave cello and now Im going back to city. Blesss....

perjantaina, syyskuuta 08, 2000

now to sleep. my body is so tired. my hands, fingers and legs ache...I've played and walked a lot today. Gee...I really need sleep. Nighty! Bless.

perjantaina, syyskuuta 08, 2000

I made sensuality test...quite interesting...result was:

You are one sensual human being! You are titillated by the sensual stimuli of everyday life. The smell of flowers, the sensation of silk against the skin, the taste of food, the sound of music, and the rich colors of life tickle and tease you to ecstasy. Yours is a hedonistic attitude, and you deeply enjoy the physical pleasures that life has to offer. This is great-a good smell or beautiful color is often enough to keep a smile on your face and a song in your heart.

You are into long, emotional lovemaking (which is usually followed by an earth-shattering orgasm). This is fabulous for you and one would wager that your partner doesn't mind either!

Your senses are also inextricably linked to your emotions and certain sensual stimuli can evoke strong feelings. Therefore you tend to be emotionally passionate.

Because you get so much pleasure from your senses, you are eager to experiment in life. This is positive since you can make great discoveries and experience a lot of pleasure. However, being pleasure-driven can sour you from persevering if an experience isn't entirely pleasant. If that's your case, your lack of persistence might be keeping you from attaining worthy goals (sometimes it is necessary to wade through dull and insipid periods of life).

But most importantly, remember that 'too much of a good thing' can be harmful. People who delight is sensual pleasures are at a slightly increased risk for addictions (substance, sex, love, etc.). So keep yourself in check. Careless sex, too much chocolate, and fine wine can all be wonderful in reasonable doses. And though they induce pleasure, too much can lead to your demise.

All in all, you have the innate ability to use your senses to enjoy what this life has to offer!

LOL! Well...this one had some little points that were part of me but something which was over reacted! 8) I just love make this tests! I dont know how I always find my way into these silly pages...I must be sick.

perjantaina, syyskuuta 08, 2000

torstaina, syyskuuta 07, 2000

Yay. I woke up, called to Virpi and then mail came and I got the photos from Virpi's birthday party...there few pictures where's nobody are into! What a little cutie...but those pictures...I havent take 'em in when I was totally sober so they look a bit shaky...and one reason was that Laku was pushing me with his big head ("come to play!") all the time, so I didnt get any time to take good pictures cause that bloody dog was all over me 24h! 8) Gotta go to shower now. Have to run.

torstaina, syyskuuta 07, 2000

Yay. I put a lot of new programmes into my computer...like Paint Shop Pro 6...I had version 5 and I think they dont have much difference, but who cares! :) Gotta go to sleep now. Early wake up tomorrow. Im hungry, but whole house is sleeping so I cant go and make noice in kitchen now. I just have to see dreams where Im starving. Sounds fun? Yeah...truly. Bless.

torstaina, syyskuuta 07, 2000

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 06, 2000

Im reading Hotei's pages again. Maisu walk around the house with 3 foots. She wont use her 4. one. She look so totally hopeless. Im going to get cello tomorrow! I'll borrow one from my friend, and I and she going to meet tomorrow after her school and then I get the instrument! Nicey!

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 06, 2000

Twiggy Twiggy!

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 06, 2000

Day was nice! We had lot of fun with Eka. She came here at 2pm or something. And when Senni came from school we watched Daria and after it Luc Bessons Jeanne d'Arc! Which was beautiful and breath taking movie. I didnt expect nothing from that movie, but it was more greater than I never could even wait. I just can say: wow. Anyway, after that movie me and Eka went to walk with our dog. We just went slowly around forrest and chatted. Soon I realised that Maisu (our dog) act a bit strange. Just lick her leg all the time. Then I noticed that it was all red. Then I realised that it was blood! I just took her on my arms and runned in (like 500m or something and Maisu is quite heavy little animal)...my leather jacket was all bloody. Im still not quite sure what it was, but we cleaned it and put something to cover it, so Maisu cant lick it. Tomorrow we maybe call to pet doctor. I hate this. :P

Yesh, Ursa's ftp is working! So now...my latest work, our local astronomy "clubs" webpages are done, online and working quite well. Im not happy with layot and such, but seems that everyone else are very happy the way they look like. So I dont have to worry. They didnt ask any major desing stuff. ^_^ and pictures and such fit nicely. Ah, tea...

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 06, 2000

Ah, I almost forgot! If anyone have good idea for tattoo, leave message in my guestbook or mail me. I like to see other ideas. Tho, I have quite clear picture inside me head, what it could be, but never say never. Eka called me. She'll be here in 45min. Super.

I noticed one nice thing! Last night in my page visited someone who hitted 3000 visitor in to my calculator!! Quite much for me, I think. I cleared my room, this really looks odd. 8) I've used to chaos.

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 06, 2000

Im listeing Scott Walker and designin my tattoo...Im going to get in when I go to Kajaani at 22.09...Just 1.5 week left. Nicey. Im going to spend a week there. And when I get back I have cat and tattoo. 8) Why I go? well...first of all...Sari & Raikku's (RH Blues Bands singer and guitarist) party are in 23.09...and then I have week to do everything (mostly in forrest getting a lot of berries, then Im going to sell 'em, get money and buy new mobilephone) meet friends and such. And then in next saturday there are huge jams in the place called Krouvi (every years best event called Rainer's days jams). Everyone is there, every superious musician from Kajaani and around it. RH Blues Band is houseband of course, cause It's Raikku's band...It will be great night. I really really look forward to it.

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 06, 2000

Beautiful day and all I do is sitting front of my computer. It's cold FREEZING day. Just the way I like it. I love autumn. Autumn doing creeping out for me...but now it just make me feel better. Thinks change. I quess that this winter will be easy for me. Last three winters have been totally nightmares but now Im open minded and I feel a lot lighter. Gotta start to clean this house before I got visitor...Laters.

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 06, 2000

Aah! Ultra Bra's new single is on air in radio! This is best thing they could play now! Im so over top happy now! ^_^

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 06, 2000

I woke up at 10am or something. When I got up from the bed I just put some warm clothes on and went out with doggy who was waiting me legs crossed...after little walk and pee and poo, I got back in. And then phone started to rang! I dont understund why someone want to talk with -me- at daytime? Anyway...aah beautiful song from radio: Gone till november. This makes my heart soft. So beautiful. Music Video for this song is so great...Im going to get cello tomorrow! :))) Kiah!

Virpi called to me. at early morning Dooris died. Im sad. It was great personality as a cat. Nobody's best pal. sad sad sad. And unfare. But theres somethings you just cant change, they happend and then they're there, nothing to help nothing to do about anymore.

Eka comes here in few hours. nicey!

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 06, 2000

Im tired. I go to sleep. I want to sleep forever, but I have to wake up early to clear this house, cause Eka will be here at.1-2pm tomorrow. Which is nice. She makes me very happy always. Her company. Were going to watch some hyper super kawaii movies. Bless!

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 06, 2000

Im so tired of human beings. Im so tired of being one. Im so tired to carry sadness or someone on my shoulders. Im tired and scared to be someones reason to live or breath. There's so much in life. And...love doenst always win. Romantic or realistic kind of love, theyre both same. And Im romantic person but truly realistic too. Anyway...I think I go and hide under my bed, close the phone and computer and scare the world.

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 06, 2000

Im goign to loose it. Every human relationship in my life seems to brake down.

keskiviikkona, syyskuuta 06, 2000

tiistaina, syyskuuta 05, 2000

Im so sad that I dont even care do I write correct english. My thoughts just run too fast. I hate this.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 05, 2000

Im so sad. Dooris, Nobody's best kitten pal, my fathers and Virpi's cat left between door and now her foots dont have any senses left. Virpi would have get that kitten home in few weeks. Anyway, Dooris is still sappy, she eats and play as much she can but still her foots wont work. Pet doctor said that "you should get that kitten here tomorrow morning if she wont die when she sleeps"...so if it's still alive tomorrow, Virpi, Yte, Tellu (Y and Tellu owns that huge bunch of kittens and theyre two mothers.) will decided what to do tomorrow. Im heartbroken. Virpi called me when I was in bus going home from the city today. She cried so much and I felt so hopeless! and she called me few minutes ago...she was at Pohjavaara, where Yte and Tellu lives. They just cried. My father said that he was sick and didnt want to come, but I know him so well that he just wanted to be alone and cry. When he came home from work and Virpi told him this sad news, he put movie on and start to stared it all alone. Virpi started to cook and when she went to say that food is ready, Dad was there sneezing with two all wet toiletpaper. My father is most cat-loving man I know. It was his idea to get Dooris. It was big suprise for Virpi and Tellu, they just stared him and were like "are you serious? do you have fever?" When my father saw those kittens first time he was sold. He played with them like few hours, was curious which kitten were mine, which is still free without home and such. :) Im so sad. Tellu think that it's her mistake what happend to Dooris. She didnt want Virpi to come cause she have been crying all day long. I know Tellu, she love every animal in that house (and its just a zoo) so much. She lives for them. She's just a piece of gold. And she must feel so horrible now. I wish I could be there. I feel so hopeless to be here. Virpi told that every kitten try to heal and help Dooris to walk and such. Sweet. She told too that Nobody stood close Dooris all the time and nestle against her. Theyre from different mothers, but theyre best pals...its quite funny, like they knew from the first second that theyre going to live in same house... ;) Oh fuck. I hate death.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 05, 2000

I took long walk with my mum and came home before sex and the city started. And then I got very suprising phone call from old friend of mine! She will give me a cello for few months or so, she let me test it and such and then if I like it, she'll going to sell it to me! :) Nice. Tho, its 3/4 cello, and I thought to buy 4/4...but let's see how big it is. It's relief to get some cello as a start! :)) We'll going to meet in thursday (we havent seen each others in year or so, it's joy to meet her at last anyway!) and then she gives me that cello! :)) Joy! Anyway...My friend Eka is coming here tomorrow...were going to have movie marathon day here again...my sister is in movies right now, watching X-men with her boyfriend. Duh. Im bored.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 05, 2000

I really hate internet. My ftp doesnt work! I try so hard to put Tursa's page online but no....Fuck internet. Im going to take walk now and shoot someone in forrest.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 05, 2000

Im off to sleep. I need to woke up like in 4 hours and Im death tired.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 05, 2000

Oh no...I downloaded like 10 new fonts again. Bad habit or something?

tiistaina, syyskuuta 05, 2000

I havent update my site in months but now I did it! I even put new side of me online...it's chainletter I got in early summer. I think is quite neat so you all can read my answers. Im going to make that site look better, but this was just plain text version, maybe I leave it that way, Im so lazy. I also put new colors in d-side of me too...Im quite happy now. This wasnt just a one another idle day. I really did something 8) Pathetic, huh? ;)

Howling wolfs was perfect! They played old BB King tonight and I was totally sold.

tiistaina, syyskuuta 05, 2000

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

my phone is all quiet. I hate when I want to get thouch with my friends they never answer to my messages. really really annoying.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

Im bored. Im listening Radio Mafia...now Tutti Frutti rock 'n roll show is on...quite happy music...but I have to wait til 23.00 when my favorite show starts...called "ulvovat sudet" (howling wolf)...Now country spaghetti started...one hour to wait...blaah.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

I think that this result was strange. It didnt has any point or stuff I am. But It was fun to do, try even! Silly questions! :))

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

Tihih. I made one stupid test again, cause I was truly bored. personality test. very fun one. And this was my result:
EXPERIMENTER
(Dominant Introvert Abstract Thinker )
Like just 4% of the population you are an EXPERIMENTER (DIAT). Although you're slightly shy (admit it!), you love control. When a problem comes in your way, you stomp on it swiftly and decisively. You are bothered easily by failure in others and failure in yourself. You don't like people that you don't think are intelligent. Rather than arguing with them, however, you would just as soon ignore them altogether.

In relationships, you have a strong heart. And because you're introverted, people take you as someone they can trust. But the fact is that in addition to solving problems, you like to create them. So there's a decent chance that you'll cheat on a loved one. If you do, you'll likely get away with it.

You're a good person at heart, but then again, who isn't?

Jolly. ^_^

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

I feel so good after that walk. I saw most beautiful evening sky! It was something spectacular! I just stared it and felt so tiny. And soon after that all clouds floated away, so maybe tonight I could test our little telescope! I havent been able to stop and spend time with night sky in weeks...maybe tonight is perfect night for that...hopefully. some serious observing.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

Im sad that I havent been able to irc in weeks. I really miss everyone in best place of whole internet -> #tolkien!

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

Duh. I ate like a grazy person and Im all full. I can hardly move. Im still a bit sick, but mostly Im ok. My sister and I were shopping at city today...I didnt found anything really interesting, just one perfect skirt but I didnt have money so... :( And one black suit. But it was totally expensive, tho I really need one and I looked like female business woman or blues brother with it. Coolest. I havent found good blazer and trouses system never and this one was like made for me. Im so petite person that found a suit it's quite hard. Always have to make some changes to clothes. But it was perfect. I want to wear black suit when mother get married. 8) It's just something what fits for my style. Tihih. My sister almost tried everything on in H&M...I just found that suit. Well...that was that. It's cold day!! autumn is here! Wee!

When my mother finish her dinner we go to walk with our dog. We try to took that walk every day now. Which is nice. Im going to go to find a job tomorrow. Wish me luck!

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

Get rich for FREE! Yeah, right...

I m eating huge cold yummy juicy peach! I love 'em. Sad thing that when autumn truly arrives they'll go away from stores. Sad. Sad. But winter only last 6 months...I can wait...yes I can wait.

Anyway! My sister send me a sms while ago and ask can I go shopping with her when she get out from the school. Tho, I dont have any money but if you just try cool clothes on, it's free, usually, even. :) So Im going to meet her after 1pm. Nicey. It's cold windy autumn day, clouds and everything looks quite blurry. Im feeling ok. No to shower, cook something and then I run to catch a bus. I really hate these busy days. Laters.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

Nighty nite now. I really need to sleep, tho I dont feel like it. Maybe I just read some Harry Potter first and then try to catch some sleep. Tho, I know that I've I open that book I'll read all night and start to sleep when my sister and mother woke up to get in work and school. Well, what can ya do about that...its my life ^_^ Blessss!

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

Im so hungry! Im just too lazy to cook. I still feel a bit ill.

I feel bad about one thing...I've been too lazy to answer to mails I've got when I was away in Kajaani. Im like horrible person for those pals who wait my mails. Plaah. I hate myself for that.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

Should I stay or should I go? Clash. Tihih. Maybe I should but my head on sweet soft pillow and wonder in dreamland, but I see so strange dreams, sometimes I just dont know is it real or just some stupid dream. Very odd. Few nights ago in my dream I was in Helsinki all drunk walking around the city all alone, like searching my friends or something. My steps staggerd and I cried and shout them with names like "where are you?" "help me" and such. And then I saw one of my dearest friend behind one window, he was looking at me, with vacant face and silent eyes...just stared at me like nothing. His eyes were so cold. And I was like "Please, come here!!" and he just turned his back and put curtains between us. It was horrible. It was like 'were are my friends when I need them most' and there was one but he didnt just care. It was horrible.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

One of my favorite song from Massive Attack...Dissolved Girl

Shame, such a shame
I think I kind of lost myself again
Day, yesterday
Really should be leaving but I stay
-
Say, say my name
I need a little love to ease the pain
I need a little love to ease the pain
It's easy to remember when it came
-
'Cause it feels like I've been
I've been here before
You are not my savior
But I still don't go
-
Feels like something
That I've done before
I could fake it
But I still want more
-
Fade, made the fade
Passion's overrated anyway
Say, say my name
I need a little love to ease the pain
I need a little love to ease the pain
It's easy to remember when it came
-
'Cause it feels like I've been
I've been here before
You are not my savior
But I still don't go, oh
-
I feel live something
That I've done before
I could fake it
But I still want more, oh.

Lovely! My tune...when I walk and watch ppl past me by this song just keeps rolling inside my mumbled head, always. It's like in Ally McBeal...She has this "tune"...well if you watch the show you know what I mean! Laters.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

It's great to find cool font site...all fonts made by grrls :)) what ever about that but from there you can find your way in very good other sites too...so search. Eek. Now offline for sec. I dont want to lose all my money in internet bill in this month again.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

Im listening Massive Attack and drinking ice cold beer. Everyone sleeps and Im sleepless as always at this time at night. Almost always...Anyway! Im surfing and downloading bunch of fonts again...I have over 250 fonts and I never stop to get new ones...Im like addicted to cool fonts. Im like "yeah this is cool one, I know Im going to use this one somewhere someday!" and then it's in my computer. Duh. I should get rid of from this kind of silly addictions...they make my computer sick..."oh you fool 'puter, you ate too many fonts tonight...tsk, tsk.."
Life's strange.

maanantaina, syyskuuta 04, 2000

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 03, 2000

My fathers girlfriend is totally into oldsmobiles. I promised that when Im totally old, rich ;) and such I'll buy her one working black cool car. Now when she had her 30 year birthdays few weeks ago I bought her little toy car! (it wasnt oldsmobile tho, I didnt found any. but it was black thunderbird 1957 if I remember it righty...) I write in the box where it was: "something to wait for...now little one, maybe next time you get one where you can sit into"...or something like that. Anyway! She loved that little car. It's a practical "joke" now, that I'll get her car someday. I give her always something to put into that car like teddy dices or such...you know that I mean. But I always keep my promises! Im that kind of stupid human, even when I say something as a joke...maybe someday she'll get her car! :)

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 03, 2000

Tori Amos just kick ass. So beautiful music. No one answer to my sms today. What a lamers ;) But it's quite boring when you just want to hear something about someone. Now Im just listening silence and looking blue and yellow sky. When there's place to fall into, human with warm embrace and music which never ends...beats which keep bouncing around my body...thrill...I hear wind. It's a bit stormy outside. I dont have fever anymore but still I need to wear this wolly sweather cause I feel so cold.

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 03, 2000

people are like crayons, it's not what color they are, it's the picture they make...

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 03, 2000

Hey mister DJ...Madonna's music keep rolling inside my head all over again. Duh. I try to heal myself with coffee and blues music, but seems that this fever doesnt want to leave my body yet. What a fool. It's rainy. Autumn is here. And Im so happy about it, my favorite time of the year. I can hardly wait to go to Kajaani in three weeks and spend best time of fall there. John Mayall's John Lee Boogie is great song. I really always get smile on my face when I listen it.

As you can see I have join in new webrings again...cant help it! ^_^ Filmfuck and Self Expression.

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 03, 2000

God what a headache. I cant move my head or eyes cause it hurts so much. My sister came home at 8am or something...I didnt know that cause I was fully asleep by then. Tho, I woke up from sofa at 7am, and then I change sleeping place and went in to bed. I dont remember when I falled asleep...maybe it was after when I did some tea for myself....anyway...horrible day. I hate fever.

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 03, 2000

I think I go to sleep soon, to heal myself. I've lost my voice. I hate it. Anyway...tired I am, I just make a cup of honey tea and then I travel thru the dreamy land...Bless.

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 03, 2000

My sister called be...she's going to stay a night in Helsinki, tho she said she dont wanna spend any nights in byrå...Anyway...theyre going to one out door rave party, I think it's nice, but Im a bit worried that how she's going to get home, and cause it's cold at nights hopefully she dont catch a flue or something when she dance under night sky. Im happy that I get more own time...well...python marathon is going on again...Laters.

sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 03, 2000

lauantaina, syyskuuta 02, 2000

Im watching Monty Python marathon from TVTV...theyre show all episodes from season 3. tonight. Marathon started at 3pm today and 'till midnight! Whee...

lauantaina, syyskuuta 02, 2000

Im addicted to Harry Potter.

lauantaina, syyskuuta 02, 2000

oh god I feel bad...Im having flue, every bones in my body ache. and I lost my voice. I have some fever 38 degrees or something like that...what a feeling. I've been sleeping all day. I cant go to sing tomorrow even. DAMN. I hate this. I really do.

lauantaina, syyskuuta 02, 2000

perjantaina, syyskuuta 01, 2000

Kiah! My very first cello lesson was perfect! I tell about that later at nighty! Im going to observatory tonight to meet all those grazy ppl I havent seen in months. I've been out of town so much! My day was perfect! Im going to buy own cello! It will be totally expensive and I dont know how Im going to live cause all my money will go to it, BUT I dont really care! :)) Whee...Anyway. Im listening The Kinks song called you really got me...ah gotta love this old old rock tune. Laters!

perjantaina, syyskuuta 01, 2000

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